i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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