Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
