everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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