I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
