Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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