Pants 0. Shit 1.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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