he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How's work?
Spinning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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