I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
