I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
