GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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