They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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