I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
