3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
someone owes me an orgasm
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
