new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
