I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
