The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
did i just pee glitter
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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