I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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