"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Randomize
