Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
