Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
