did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
