he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
