so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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