Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
