You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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