I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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