I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
