I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
