I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
