I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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