I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
