Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
