I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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