Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

ice luge is my downfall...

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

...u mean upfall.

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(714): View more from California

He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.

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(509): View more from Washington

I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM

(909): View more from California

I'm scared to ask why.....

(509): View more from Washington

1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.

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(716): View more from New York

Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today

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(320): View more from Minnesota

You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.

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