I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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