Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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