Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
