Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
