Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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