So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Randomize
