two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
