shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
