my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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