Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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