Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Boobs speak an international language.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
