oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize