the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
