the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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