my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
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Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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