Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
