i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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