Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
