remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
