I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
