Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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