It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
