are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
