recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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