i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
