My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
