Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
