Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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