I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
