Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
