so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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