it's too hot outside to masturbate.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
