Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
