Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just pee around me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
