They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
