dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
