come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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