you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
