I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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