You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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