I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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