My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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