Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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