So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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